Eliezer Engerman

i mourn for versions of myself that died in my care
i planted them, reared them, and left them to rot
in my negligence, i destroyed futures beyond my comprehension

potential isn’t real
just a vague idea of lives that i could have lived
but they feel so real, so tangible
little kids and hopeful teenagers  
singers and computer scientists
mothers and music teachers

standing trial before my dead futures
i plead my case–i defend the man i’ve become
and the lives i have yet to kill in my desperation to have everything

would they rather have nothing?
rather me have nothing?
i’ve spent their potential selfishly, surviving
i used the hooks i hung their hopes on to scale cliffs and canyons
i hope they won’t let me fall